Duckling

[27 Oct 2005 Thursday]

I ate a duckling.
Yellow, soft.
With feathers, with wings..a tiny cough.
A baby's meat, is tender.
Some kind,of sickening sweet.
The duckling did no wrong..
Perhaps chose a treacherous path.
I warned the duckling,
Not with me to come.
He quacked his little laughing song.
I giggled back, knowing all along.
First it was his lil webbed feet.
Perhaps next his beak.
I had too....
Keep him here (no running away.)
I had too...Take control (no voices here.)
But he struggled.
Yellow, defiant, so tough.
So I had to eat him.
Enough was enough.
I bite off his head,
Like some kind of predator..
Always on the prowl.
I popped the finish in my mouth.
It didn't last long..
He should have flown south.
I caught him too young,
Like a butterfly..with wet wings...

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Threads/Crash

[06 Nov 2005 Sunday]
Threads
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Life

I've been thinking alot about the last fourty-five minutes.
I left the home of a friends with tears in my eyes.
Not, angry tears..
Not, happy tears.
Tears.
Just simply tears.
I came home to the same angry hostile scene I normally do..
And I wished I had paid the electric bill instead of buying this large variety pack of yogurts for the Anti-Christ in the kitchen...
I watched a movie called "Crash."
Of course, you've already seen it..
I have always been two dollars short and a week late.
Yeah, seriously.. that bad.
It makes me wonder..
if it's my soul or my ego that is larger?
This movie moved me..
I found none of it funny.
I saw the threads that designed the tapestry.
It was like fabric made out of human flesh and blood.
Did I see something that did not really exsist?
Or is my brain so much larger that it could tie these subjective threads together...?
Or maybe, somehow.. my soul is softer.
My heart greater.
My love stronger...
However, in the end..
I don't believe any answer is right.
I know that some of you believe I am a mess.
I know my family does.
However, the majority of public I come into contact with,
think of me as happy, light and laughter.
I see my self as an ocean.
Something that can't be controlled.
Can't be predicted.
I am influenced by so much.
The tides can cause devastation..and heart break.
That's what I feel right now,
Yet, I am not just the ocean..
I am the lost soul in the dark blue waters..
Hoping..
Praying...
Someone will save them.

Currently watching : Crash (Full Screen Edition) Release date: By 06 September, 2005
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I write a lot of "poetry"

It's true. It's mostly on my Myspace. I am going to start to share some of it here as my posts, don't be frightened by my dark place. It helps me cope.

[03 Dec 2005 Saturday]
Five Dollar Reindeers
Current mood: awake
Category: Writing and Poetry

Pot roast.
It's like pieces of shredded flesh.
Wait, it is pieces of shredded flesh.
Flesh, that my daughter desires.
We sit. We laugh. We wait.
For the food that ties us together.
It's a three legged race to maturity.
Down her nose,She sees me.
I yell and scream.
While flushing my last dollars away..
On "five dollar reindeers."
Joy is fleeting,
Just like youth.
If, you let it go.
I will hold it tight,
Much like my daughter to my chest.
In this three legged man race.

Currently listening : Hard Promises By Tom & the Heartbreakers Petty
Release date: By 20 March, 2001
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