Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friendships vs Relationships & More
First of all, thanks to everyone who has come by to wish my health well! It's making a difference just knowing you all care. Some of you may have been coming to my blog long enough to know that I have never been very good at relationships or friendships for that matter. Through much introspection, I have learned I can be quite self centered amongst other things.
In the past, I have often rushed in or missed out on some wonderful friendships/relationships. Currently, I am actually more confused on how TO start, pursue, keep or end these connections. This feeling is also leaking into my behavior with neighbors, interviewers and existing "ships." In fact, it's causing a lot of self doubt. In the past, I had a ton of confidence in dating but a ton of self-esteem issues and now it's all cloudy.
This whole post is really regarding one individual who I am in some kind of "ship" with, it has fluctuated all over the board with a lot of talk regarding wants, friendship, relationships, marriage, children, moving in, dating and quite honestly I am lost. Lately, it seems to hard to decipher what I really DO want out of life and HOW to get it. I never had a mother around to talk to in regards to these matters and wasn't really allowed to date anyhow, so I guess this is my long round about way of asking for some advice.
If anyone has ANY kind of advice regarding friendships, relationships, dating and the fore mentioned please share it with me either via comment or email (it's in the sidebar.) Quite honestly, I need some honest opinions on the do's & don'ts when looking for a long term relationship. Please help! (LoL)
In the past, I have often rushed in or missed out on some wonderful friendships/relationships. Currently, I am actually more confused on how TO start, pursue, keep or end these connections. This feeling is also leaking into my behavior with neighbors, interviewers and existing "ships." In fact, it's causing a lot of self doubt. In the past, I had a ton of confidence in dating but a ton of self-esteem issues and now it's all cloudy.
This whole post is really regarding one individual who I am in some kind of "ship" with, it has fluctuated all over the board with a lot of talk regarding wants, friendship, relationships, marriage, children, moving in, dating and quite honestly I am lost. Lately, it seems to hard to decipher what I really DO want out of life and HOW to get it. I never had a mother around to talk to in regards to these matters and wasn't really allowed to date anyhow, so I guess this is my long round about way of asking for some advice.
If anyone has ANY kind of advice regarding friendships, relationships, dating and the fore mentioned please share it with me either via comment or email (it's in the sidebar.) Quite honestly, I need some honest opinions on the do's & don'ts when looking for a long term relationship. Please help! (LoL)
Give Me a Gold Star
Oh snap. I would write an entry but I'm hungover. Ouch. "Baby boy" (from 2004) was arrested for shooting and killing his girlfriend. The whoever in the news report called him a "cold blooded killer."
One Hand Behind My Back
I've been trying to use this "free time" to get some of the things in my life done that have been eating away at me for some time. Things like go through bills, sort paperwork, update personal files, create a new resume, clean my room (which could take an extensive amount of time in itself) and just regroup so to speak.
I feel like I am almost wearing myself out more than going to work at a real job. There is laundry to do, errands to run, paperwork, medical bills/house hold bills to deal with, dishes, meals to cook PLUS I should be finding a new job as I am sitting here typing this.
But with all things that have to do with me, I can't because of something else. I was trying to write my new resume for two days now however, I am waiting on when past managers can give me work dates etc since I didn't keep proper records etc. etc.. Which holds me back from actually applying for a new position with any company since my information may not be accurate. Everything takes time no matter how much I push. No matter how hard I try, I am one person and I always seem to be working with one hand tied behind my back.
Sometimes I really wish that I had a significant other, a partner in my life. I don't expect anyone to cater to me or carry my weight, it would just be wonderful to know that someone else had a soft spot in their heart just for me. Sure, I have friends. The church. It's also just not the same. Recently, one of of my Internet friends told me I am hard to console because I am just hard in general. I am tired of being seen as this tough cookie who has been around the block. I tire of carrying the weight of everything on my shoulders. I have been saying all of this for a very long time I know and quite honestly, I don't think it's ever going to change.
It's crazy because so many people in life pretend not to judge, yet they still do. Looking at me, after interacting with me, I feel the personification of who they think I am being forced upon me. It's OK. Someday, someone will see me for who I really am. Anywhoo, I didn't mean to get all weird and "deep" like I do sometimes. I guess I am just frustrated, there is SOO much to do.
I listed some examples of things that I want to sell on eBay and that link is posted to the right under "diary index." I don't really think it's the right forum for what I have (which is invitations, entire party sets, toys, key chains, party favors, party bags, fall related items, garlands, Halloween favors etc) plus the photos which my daughter took on her digicam came out really dark and for some reason I can't get my photo shop to reload with my serial number on my computer to fix it... If you have any suggestions on how I can list these kinds of items for sale please leave me a comment!! Thanks to Christy for explaining the consignment sale to me on your page!
____________________On a Different Note:
I got something really awesome in the mail yesterday! I got the earrings I ordered from Elaine of Oyworks! It really was the highlight of my week! I ordered the awesome "Chip on My Shoulder" earrings and found the other set I was pining over "Center of My Universe" tucked away as a special surprise inside the pretty little brown ribbon wrapped box. - Thanks Elaine for what you said (it was very sweet) and for more of that tea I LOVE - Sausalito Spice MmM! I had some last night and this morning. Thanks again you rock!!
I feel like I am almost wearing myself out more than going to work at a real job. There is laundry to do, errands to run, paperwork, medical bills/house hold bills to deal with, dishes, meals to cook PLUS I should be finding a new job as I am sitting here typing this.
But with all things that have to do with me, I can't because of something else. I was trying to write my new resume for two days now however, I am waiting on when past managers can give me work dates etc since I didn't keep proper records etc. etc.. Which holds me back from actually applying for a new position with any company since my information may not be accurate. Everything takes time no matter how much I push. No matter how hard I try, I am one person and I always seem to be working with one hand tied behind my back.
Sometimes I really wish that I had a significant other, a partner in my life. I don't expect anyone to cater to me or carry my weight, it would just be wonderful to know that someone else had a soft spot in their heart just for me. Sure, I have friends. The church. It's also just not the same. Recently, one of of my Internet friends told me I am hard to console because I am just hard in general. I am tired of being seen as this tough cookie who has been around the block. I tire of carrying the weight of everything on my shoulders. I have been saying all of this for a very long time I know and quite honestly, I don't think it's ever going to change.
It's crazy because so many people in life pretend not to judge, yet they still do. Looking at me, after interacting with me, I feel the personification of who they think I am being forced upon me. It's OK. Someday, someone will see me for who I really am. Anywhoo, I didn't mean to get all weird and "deep" like I do sometimes. I guess I am just frustrated, there is SOO much to do.
I listed some examples of things that I want to sell on eBay and that link is posted to the right under "diary index." I don't really think it's the right forum for what I have (which is invitations, entire party sets, toys, key chains, party favors, party bags, fall related items, garlands, Halloween favors etc) plus the photos which my daughter took on her digicam came out really dark and for some reason I can't get my photo shop to reload with my serial number on my computer to fix it... If you have any suggestions on how I can list these kinds of items for sale please leave me a comment!! Thanks to Christy for explaining the consignment sale to me on your page!
____________________On a Different Note:
I got something really awesome in the mail yesterday! I got the earrings I ordered from Elaine of Oyworks! It really was the highlight of my week! I ordered the awesome "Chip on My Shoulder" earrings and found the other set I was pining over "Center of My Universe" tucked away as a special surprise inside the pretty little brown ribbon wrapped box. - Thanks Elaine for what you said (it was very sweet) and for more of that tea I LOVE - Sausalito Spice MmM! I had some last night and this morning. Thanks again you rock!!
Pretty as Puke
Thanksgiving - We went to eat in an older place in Sacramento that specializes in pink chandeliers, old people, green velvet and painting covered walls. We had turkey or ham, mashed potatoes & gravy, sage dressing, green beans, yams, salad or soup, cranberry cups and punkin pie all for the low price of $8.49. It was a chillax day, I was just glad as always my daughter smiled and didn't do the typical-teenager-I hate-you-thing.
Work - I am still sitting as primary cashier. I can walk pretty close to normal with the walking cast on, which will come off November 30th! - Can't wait!!!
I Love You - (You found my heart in a bale of hay) Actually, "Prairie Song" by Pretty as Puke (thanks Bing.) Just recently the fourth anniversary of my daughter's father death passed. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I cried and cried the night before. It was a mess with "Gods & Monsters" not to mention, calling 911 on my neighbors about four times. Got to love a guy willing to beat a girl to get to his girl who doesn't want to see him. Yeah. "Our prairie love is too good to be true~"
Work - I am still sitting as primary cashier. I can walk pretty close to normal with the walking cast on, which will come off November 30th! - Can't wait!!!
I Love You - (You found my heart in a bale of hay) Actually, "Prairie Song" by Pretty as Puke (thanks Bing.) Just recently the fourth anniversary of my daughter's father death passed. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I cried and cried the night before. It was a mess with "Gods & Monsters" not to mention, calling 911 on my neighbors about four times. Got to love a guy willing to beat a girl to get to his girl who doesn't want to see him. Yeah. "Our prairie love is too good to be true~"
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